Pax Regis

From the Journal of Artisan Parker: Entry 2

So…..Mr. creepy ghost guy made this awesome camp, but then it was gone halfway through the night. What kind of crap is that? If I wanted to sleep on the floor I could find easier ways to do so. Then he gives this wonderful advice of “Do whatever you feel like”. I wonder if he knows I don’t really want to be here…so that might not be the best advice.

The good news is we got a cleric in the party! Of course he serves the god byrelium, which is a little odd. But hey, the way the ladies were chugging potions this is a pretty good development as far as i’m concerned. Once we got back to the town I made an official personal goal. After waking up in the wilderness with no bedroll I’ve decided I have to get one of those.

…..so Merlin is trying to pick up chicks using a LIBRARY CARD. I’m definitely going to have to steal that.

Merlin decided he would animate the ENTIRE F’ING KITCHEN and have it attack me, but luckily spoons are apparently made of win. PLUS, when he was cleaning it up (thank you Dina for that one) I was able to swipe his library card. Wonder how it will take him to learn this one.

Apparently mages are some kinky people. We had a meeting with the Archmage and while waiting had an interesting exchange with the Archmages secretary. She all but flashed Merlin….it was kind of hot. Then she invited all of us to her dungeon…..she will forevermore be known as kinky-Kiki. Once inside this dungeon we found a robot. Yes….a robot. I wish I was making this crap up.

We finally meet up with Kiki and I hear one of the most obvious and yet stupid comments I think I have ever heard. Liyanna asked Kiki if she was a mage to which she responded “I glue his feet to the floor”, to which Liyanna replies “But that just takes glue”…….For one of the first times in my life I was at a complete loss as of what to say.

It occurs to me that I apparently spent far to long in prison and may have lost the edge on my skills. It ALSO occurs to me that my rusty skills may be the reason I ended up in prison in the first place. I tried to head down a hallway and managed to get lost…..in a straight hallway…..ya…..Then I tried to attack some crap and can’t hit a single thing! One thing came to mind after all of this fiasco……fml.


I had every intention of not taking notes for the rest of this journey. I have been struggling lately and decided to focus more on what I was doing, but liyana made a comment that I could not pass up. “These architects need to stop making these forking dungeons”……made of win.

I’ve also learned something I am apparently VERY good at. I am the master of quick reflexes. Twice now I have reacted to an explosion so fast that I was even able to help allies out of the way. It was pretty awesome….now if I could just start stabbing things that well….

I’m starting to wonder what they teach you in mage school. Merl just made the comment “it’s nothing like a close brush with death to make you really hate death” followed by “it’s time to nut up or shut up”. Now the guy is a complete IDIOT for continually running into melee in the first place, but at least he is willing to take a blow.

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Cheezgrater

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